Up the Lift

I’m going up the lift, the skis weighting heavily on my feet, feeling happy. I’m looking at the slope below me and writing what I see in my head

Group of students

Fallen skier

Fallen snowboarder, bum down

Mom with the pink hair and the little girl who gains mastery each time

Snow fight

Fallen snowboarder, bum up

Skier almost in a split

Father trying to untangle the baby’s skis both feet are looking backwards with skis firmly locked

A boy skiing with a pair of extra skis on his hands

Fallen snowboarder, making snow angels, completely given up

Little boy running down with no skis screaming ‘Jaaaaack! Hey Jaaaaack!’

‘Mommy, mommy, can you wait for me?’ I hear. I look downhill and mommy is sprawled on the floor, she couldn’t move if her life depended on it. Guess she will wait.

A little red bullet with orange helmet flies straight down bawling ‘INCOMING! INCOMING! INCOMING!”

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Unfocused

I had been feeling quite unfocused in my writing. I have completed my Masters in creative writing and felt myself a bit addrift. I have found that I have hundreds, or better, many hundreds of ideas for writing, they are from ideas for blog entries, short stories, and books, I even have full books delineated. Ideas I had forgotten about and only found now that I decided to organise my “ideas for writing”. I am putting them down into Scrivener, separating them in types and into appropriated project folders.

For a couple of months I was simply without focus and that left me completely unsettled. Whenever I sat down for writing I didn’t know what to write and always felt I should be working on something else.

Then I saw this TED talk about the science of happiness and understood that until you make a decision about something — or until you are given no other choice by circumstances — it is difficult for the brain to create happiness about anything. That explained why I felt it was so difficult writing about one thing alone.

That is when I realised that if I decided anything, anything at all, it would be all right. I put down a list of all the projects I could be attacking and the moment I wrote “organise my ideas for writing” I knew this was “the one”.

That one decision took me out of my unproductive phase. I started organising and lost the will to do that. But the drive to write more often in this blog replaced it. Then I felt like re-writing my website taniacreations.com which is quite old now.

I have Brazilian friends who have lived in Australia and were not happy because they missed Brazil, then they went back to Brazil and now they miss Australia and are still feeling dissatisfied. That probably happens because they live inside the eternal possibility of being here or there without making a decision for real.

Making one decision doesn’t mean you will not change your mind. However, if you decide with certainty for something and a new possibility presents itself you might make a new decision, with certainty for a new thing. By doing that you will leave your brain free to create the hormones and sinapses necessary to provide you with happiness. Doubts, indecisiveness, no acceptance, are not conducive to creativity and peace.

My solution to any doubt is: decide anything, as long as it is certain. Even if five minutes later you decide something else.

So now, I feel quite happy… writing away!

Let it Rain

Photo by Chris Newland “Rain at the Wharf”

Somehow I found myself drowning in gratefulness amid the rain drops this morning.
I was thankful for the people, as there is a sense of camaraderie around, we are all fish… as they say. I met a woman while waiting to cross the main road, we simply started laughing.
At the bus stop we turned into a battalion, five people holding our umbrellas as if they were machine guns. ‘Let them come!’ I screamed.
The bus passed. We cowered behind the huge monsters of umbrellas.
Mine is a beautiful rainbow one. I bought it because I liked the colours. The next day I thought: ‘What was I thinking? I’ll never carry this again!’ At the time, my angel must have whispered in my ear: ‘buy it, you will need on ‘The Flood’ of the eight of March’.
So The Rainbow Tent, as I named it, saved me today again I gave thanks.
We had to cower around it, sideways, including our heads in its protection not to get drenched by the bus splashes. Feet, parts of trousers, a part of my arm and the top of my head didn’t escape.
I jumped into the first bus that finally stopped, one to North Sydney.
It was raining, in and outside.
I was happy I got to sit, even looking back which always make me a bit sick.
The water was coming down the side of the window and splashing in a puddle by the wind sill.
Little droplets of water landed on my phone, my kindle, continuous dripping water damping my sides, I was still thanking the world for being seated and able to read in a trip that took almost two hours to cover a half an hour strip.
I looked outside and remembered my mother land, where it rains like this frequently. I was appreciative that I wasn’t worried my home would flood this time, having my first floor rented flat, the absence of rivers nearby. Not even remembering, until now, that once I stood in the middle of a river which used to be a street, watching my car, my house and everything I owed being washed by an angry flow of mud.
I’m grateful to be in a country where you call an emergency service and someone will, at the very least, answer you. Where there are flood warnings, barricades, enough help for the unfortunate.
I’m happy I had a great life and a family who could drive me when it was raining as much as today when I was a child. I thought of all the little South Americans who are used to face this type of rain frequently without the systems we have here in Aussie land to keep us safe.
I came out at North Sydney and blessed my hot coffee, the gods were happy when they invented such a thing and I was happy seeping its warmth.
Then I was grateful for China, where people can fabricate very cheap stuff, I bought new, clean and dry leggings which I’m wearing now and I am so glad for.
I am now emotional and happy, compassionate in a level I haven’t felt before for my fellow human beings who are not as privileged as I am or the ones that simply cannot see the blessings we do have (I think I feel even more for the ones).
And let it rain!

Written the other day, the 9th of March when we had an amazing rain in Sydney, Australia.

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