Ducks in a Row

I’m in between jobs, my ducks are aligning for the new position, so fingers crossed, all will happen soon.

I’m envisioning a place full of people for whom I will bring radiance every time I’m at work, and who will be wells of inspiration and engaging conversations for me; while together we will make the world a better place.

Meanwhile, I see myself having a few days where I can become a full time writer. I’m having days of writing, publishing, doing online courses on how to create an e-pub file, and nights of dancing or roller skating; swimming in the middle of the day, or sitting at coffee shops with my tablet for hours, or going to libraries… 

Ah… life as it is meant to be lived as an author. 

Wake up without a set time, the freedom of it all, it’s humbling and makes me so profoundly grateful. 

I have been doing the same for a few years on my writing days, once a week, but still, it’s good to do it days on end. Even if I have done it before while on holidays, or on writing-retreats-at-home that I created for myself during the lockdowns, still, this feels so unique. 

I’m taking this fleeting time at its fullest. It is as if I’m inhabiting a house for the first time that has always been mine, and now, I’m calling it Home

The Freedom of Rainy Days

It isn’t only that you are allowed to be lazy, the rest of the world is too.


Lawn mowers are silent, motorbikes and cars almost absent, only the birds are determined enough and even them are muffled.


The sounds of the falling rain are relaxing to the spirit, washing all need to strive, all fears of missing out. It quietens the world out there.


Cancels parties, festivals, events, gives the mind the certainty that everything else has stopped, not just you. No wonder you thrived in lockdowns, if you can appreciate a week of rain, months of nothingness are a balm too.


When so much is happening within, the chaos, the fire, the cells transforming by the billions, every aspect of you, changing, the outer peace is a great blessing.


As the rain falls, there is time for writing. You talk to the cockatoo that comes in for a visit, and smile.

Bearing Chaos

There is a quick way out of chaos, straight through despair and out the easy way.

Interestingly, the easy way, is the hardest one in the slightest longer run.

The ability to stand the uncomfortableness of an unstable situation, manage your own emotions, will allow you to wait for the harder, but more rewarding, opportunity, which will serve much better in the long run, that making a rushed decision just to get out of the storm wouldn’t. 

Think from inside the pressure pot, analyse the situation, stand your ground, be sure of your own value… those are the things to remember not be swayed around by the winds and the storm.

Discipline for the Creative Mind

How can you discipline water? Fluidity? Like trying to make water into a shape but without applying it to a rigid container? Making the inner creative mind to be disciplined is a bit like that.

Applying pressure has the opposite of the desired effect, the more pressure, the less ideas and the further you get from The Famously Creative Flow.

The way is digging the path in front of the water for it to stream through it. There is a commitment to the digging, to creating the path, to the process and the general direction, eventually, once you have created a good height difference and a worthwhile gap for the liquid to trickle into, it will come, it is inevitable. Yet, one must remember that it has its own laws of physics to follow, which may seem inscrutable to the digger, you can’t see the lay of the land where the water is coming from, or predict the weather patterns that will create the rain. But it will come, one way or another, if you keep digging.

You won’t be able to choose what comes, in which way, the amount of it, the quality, the purity… you are but creating the vessel. You can only keep digging, and believing and never stopping, because if you stop, the water pools.

This is the creative process way, inspiration is the water, and keeping at it, writing, painting, sculpting, singing, playing, is the digging of the path. We, creators, can get better and better in using the tools of the trade, the techniques, and dedicate more and more time; increasing the amount of captured inspiration and the flow of it more consistent, but in the end… we have to submit to what comes to us and not compare to anyone else, no processes are ever the same.

This is what I am doing. I have achieved, last September, something I’ve been working towards for a long time: I am working four days a week, at work, and writing (digging) one day a week, at home, plus parts of the weekend, and sometimes after hours…

It’s been six months that I’m taking a day a week for writing. Two writing days have never been the same. I spent most of today preparing the way, writing on clarity of what I’m doing, of my process, on research to support my created world, reading inspirational quotes for writers, and going to the toilet every ten minutes and then, it poured! Deep and meaningful facts and I needed to find out about this world I’m creating on paper, I mean, on virtual paper. Over 4,200 words without blinking. And until it came, there was only dry earth…

I’ll finish with one of the quotes I dug today:

“Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say.” Barbara Kingsolver

Socialise Quietly and Write

Most Tuesdays, after work, I go to a Meetup in Sydney CBD for writers. It goes for two hours and we get together, sit down, and write.

A few people talk and exchange experiences once the clock reaches eight pm, on the dot. Others write until they have to go home. I write until I’m about to drop.

I cannot stop writing, it is usually one of my most productive writing moments of the week. I often get “in the zone” and produce high quality work, writing hard up to nine or ten.

Pumped by a guilty late-night-coffee — which will most certainly keep me awake or make me have an agitated, unrestful night — I think the sacrifice is worth it. Every time I debate, to coffee or not to coffee…

Tonight I have churned some great paragraphs and ticked many items of my to-do list for a specific project.

Trying to write, publish and promote your own books while working full time is a little bit like trying to give birth while driving a horse-cart with a spooked stallion must be. Creating life, giving birth to characters, while your attention is constantly demanded elsewhere…

The road doesn’t end though, so I keep bouncing, reins in hand, YEEHAW!

Into Focus

It is working. Having made a decision on what to write, I’m feeling inspired and motivated. I am re-creating my website in WordPress, for now it is www.taniacreations.wordpress.com once it is complete I will divert my domain name to it.

What I am looking for is something many creatives say you should not look for: validation. What I call “the green book”, The Icarus Deception, is the book that made me understand the internal need we have for validation and how to transform it in me.

In a sense what I am looking for is not for others to validate my writing, it is for others to recognise what I know it is true: that my writing has value.

Not because I need this internally but it’s public view will help me in my future pursues. I intend to submit texts for competitions and any sort of writer incentives I can find. Having viewers, blogs, votes and prizes will help with statistics when continuing my path to becoming a full time writer.

Unfocused

I had been feeling quite unfocused in my writing. I have completed my Masters in creative writing and felt myself a bit addrift. I have found that I have hundreds, or better, many hundreds of ideas for writing, they are from ideas for blog entries, short stories, and books, I even have full books delineated. Ideas I had forgotten about and only found now that I decided to organise my “ideas for writing”. I am putting them down into Scrivener, separating them in types and into appropriated project folders.

For a couple of months I was simply without focus and that left me completely unsettled. Whenever I sat down for writing I didn’t know what to write and always felt I should be working on something else.

Then I saw this TED talk about the science of happiness and understood that until you make a decision about something — or until you are given no other choice by circumstances — it is difficult for the brain to create happiness about anything. That explained why I felt it was so difficult writing about one thing alone.

That is when I realised that if I decided anything, anything at all, it would be all right. I put down a list of all the projects I could be attacking and the moment I wrote “organise my ideas for writing” I knew this was “the one”.

That one decision took me out of my unproductive phase. I started organising and lost the will to do that. But the drive to write more often in this blog replaced it. Then I felt like re-writing my website taniacreations.com which is quite old now.

I have Brazilian friends who have lived in Australia and were not happy because they missed Brazil, then they went back to Brazil and now they miss Australia and are still feeling dissatisfied. That probably happens because they live inside the eternal possibility of being here or there without making a decision for real.

Making one decision doesn’t mean you will not change your mind. However, if you decide with certainty for something and a new possibility presents itself you might make a new decision, with certainty for a new thing. By doing that you will leave your brain free to create the hormones and sinapses necessary to provide you with happiness. Doubts, indecisiveness, no acceptance, are not conducive to creativity and peace.

My solution to any doubt is: decide anything, as long as it is certain. Even if five minutes later you decide something else.

So now, I feel quite happy… writing away!